'I should not live where I am comfortable'

I should not live
where I am comfortable .

I can squeeze the most
out of my little human's body
when I am suffering
a little

I turn, I roll, I cannot stay still
in my comfortable bed
Because all this soft, nice living
has sucked out the usable part in me
I am not to be used
when I am comfortable .

From a young age I have been writing,
I have to fill my part
have to keep my promise
to the inner melancholy, the great big sister
whom I will never meet
but to whom I will never stop listening .

Here I can see
I haven't succeeded in escaping her
No, she is not to be fooled
I do not know what I have been thinking
' I am happy '
is a hollow reflection of the minds of the fool
Why did I ever try to listen to them ?

So I got addicted
to succeeding in life that does not matter
And as I have been comfortable
I have thought I had lost her
But now I can see, here
She is not to be escaped from
She is me, I am her
Inside the crisp crust of a baguette
of a life too soft to be l i v e d .